I love that film ‘The Mask’ with Jim Carrey. There’s a great line in it where the psychologist says in a dry and weary tone, ‘We all wear masks’. I’ve so often heard people talk about the masks people wear but I’ve got to be honest, amongst the busyness and challenge of a day working with at-risk young people, it can be so easy to forget that I’m looking at the mask the young person is wearing rather than the person behind it.
The masks I’m talking about have clear and often obvious names - Resistance, Anger, Outburst, Comedy, Cool, Big Talker; they also have more subtle names - Quiet, Sullen, Purchase Affection, Arrogance.
The thing about a mask is that it is there to cover something else up. Someone told me recently that anger almost always hides hurt. I think a lot of these masks also cover up fear. This week I came across the mask of resistance and I felt that fear lay hidden behind this mask.
A young man who is getting in a lot of trouble at school, lets call him JD, was brought to me in the morning by his Head of Year. She wanted him on the project to see if we could flip the normal patterns of his school experience and add a level of positivity to his week. Problem was, he wasn’t too keen. He did the fake walk off, the turn around and talk in a different direction, among other things. Eventually after much encouragement and challenge he agreed to come to the project for 40 minutes before break. It got to the appointed time and JD didn’t show up. The fear behind the Resistance mask had control and JD didn’t want to look different or look like he needed help, so he didn’t come. Fear of how people perceive us is a powerful motivator.
In the end JD came after break for an agreed two periods but had to be brought down by his Head of Year to make sure he came. He agreed to stay for the period after break, then go back to class and return again for the period before lunch. He ended up staying for every period for the rest of the day and smiled an awful lot as he did so. He made a beautiful picture frame, listened to instruction and actually worked very hard. As soon as his fears were calmed and he felt safe he dived right in.
At the end of the day we sat in a group and one by one the other boys complimented him on his picture frame. He left with a totally different perspective than when he walked in.
It can be very tricky to get a young man to put down his fear, but so often on the other side of that fear is a perspective shift. JD put his down for a day learnt that he is capable.