I mentioned a couple of weeks ago about the mask of the ‘Big Talker’. This mask presents itself in the form of a young person who speaks very quickly or loudly, someone who is always laughing. Their mouth doesn’t stop. You’ll be able to pick this mask out because it always has a big smile on it. Think of the masks worn by Bodhi and his crew in Point Break or the Joker in Batman, both when he’s robbing the bank and when he takes the mask off to show his makeup - a very clever scene. All had big smiles and all hid something tough underneath.
This week a young lad took that mask off for the hour or so while we talked. He admitted a number of things, the only one of which I’ll mention is that he felt depressed. He spoke about depression with a rare maturity for someone his age, he wasn’t using the term flippantly. He’d looked up the medical definition and found he fit a lot of the criteria. He admitted how he covers it well and was able to discuss some of his background experiences which he rarely shares.
The conversation was beautifully honest and his ability to be so articulate about things he’d experienced and his motivations for certain choices was refreshing. We went on to discuss something I call red flags. Red flags represent explosive moments. They sit on a hill and stand out to everyone but almost always hide the key issue below the surface. In the end it’s often a waste of time talking about the red flag itself. It’s just there as a result of what’s hiding and wants to stay hidden. What needs to happen is a gentle digging into the hill below the red flag, find out where it came from, why it popped up suddenly. So we talked about pressure cookers and how things build up and need releasing and how the red flag is our release moment. The release moment of a pressure cooker, the hissing of the steam, is noticeable but it’s not the main point. It’s only an indicator of what’s happening in the pot.
As we discussed this idea, the young man was able to see how his emotional steam is sometimes released in really positive ways - the gym, his music (which apparently he’s amazing at) and how other times his emotional steam is leading him to some very poor choices. He was even able to admit that he didn’t like the way it affected his mother.
Change is slow and choosing to make decisions which take you in a different direction takes a lot of maturity and a few key realisations. I hope and pray this particular young man is able to see the good in himself and process some of the emotion which causes him to steam and bubble inside.